new year's resolution?

well, 2005 is here, and how quickly it has come. you know, i think it's amazing how God has designed us (or me at least). He knew what he was doing when he established the number of days it takes for the earth to revolve around the sun. i'm a reflective person. so i think...a lot. the last couple of weeks in the year i seem to go instantly into 'year-end inventory' mode. it's not a conscious thing; it just happens. of course, some would argue that i've been condtioned, but i like to think that it's more than that--that it's a desire innate within me to evaluate what i've done and look forward to what i will do. a year's length just happens to be the perfect span of time for that. hmmm....

so, i pondered posting my detailed year-end inventory--minus the more personal aspects--and desired to spare my readers. (and the chorus of angels sang.) after journaling one, though, i did formulate several goals for this fresh, young year. i don't much like the term 'resolution.' i would like it if people used it in it's proper meaning. for in my mind, when one truly resolves to do something, there is no doubt or question remaining. that person will do anything within his or her means to accomplish that resolution. resolve, to me, is such a strong word--one that i try not to use lightly. when i truly resolve to do something, nothing stops me from doing it. i can think of only a few goals that i have dealt with so strongly (and several more that i should, though i'm not sure if that resolve is yet there.) but i digress...

not that i make these goals without intent of achieving them; it's just that resolve is such a strong word. (i hope i'm making sense.) anyhow, i wanted to share one particular goal that i have for this coming year. perhaps, you could say, it is my 'main goal.'

[pulling up journal so as to quote it more precisely]

Hebrews 10:19-25 are verses that i have often turned to for a couple of years. i heard a great teaching on them in my Prophetic Worship class at ORU (given by Tor, owner of Nordaggio's for those of you who may care). inspired by his words, i did my own study of this scripture. it is very near to me. verse 22, it seems, will become very real to me in this new year.

Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus…let us draw near with a true [sincere] heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. v.19, 22

i believe this year will be one of sincerity for me--sincerity with others, but mostly sincerity with God as i humbly seek him. one thing God has really been speaking to me is the necessity and power of just being real with people, and being real with him. so many times i try to hide or be someone i'm not. many times when i'm on stage leading worship, the Lord will check me: "do you truly mean those words you just sang?" he'll ask, or "how 'bout you prove that?" so my goal this year is to be sincere.

for those of you who do not know, i am a collector of quotes (or, as it were, quotations). as i was recording some in my collection today, i found one that so aptly expresses this goal:

you can never find yourself until you face the truth. -pearl bailey

and so, this year, i endeavor to face the truth, to be whole-heartedly, 100% sincere. i don't even imagine that i will in all situations be successful, but i do believe that i will look back on this year, when i've happened upon another year-end inventory session, and say to myself, 'jacob, you've done good.' and i will mean it sincerely.