lessons (un)learned


i know, i know...Merry Christmas!

just for the record, i know--as some of you have so kindly pointed out--that i've only posted 2 times in 3 weeks (or however long it's been). also for the record, i'd like to remind everyone of the first paragraph in my first post. one day, though, posting will be more convenient, and then, ideally, i'll do it more often. i've actually had intentions of posting a couple times and had valuable things to 'say.' never got there though...oh well.
i was thinking about Christmas today and singing a song i never sing--a Point of Grace song (i know...the horror): "oh Emmanuel, God with us, Spirit revealed in us that we may be your hope to the world." something about Emmanuel, God with us, became more real to me today.
God is with me.
The sweet, little Jesus boy (so the song says), Lamb of God, Lion of Judah, and Eternal King is with me! That's almost unbelievable.
i love Christmastime. this year has been a little interesting for my family; so many things have happened. in the middle of all these things, God is still Emmanuel; he is still with us. what a treasure!
so to all of you out there who are reading this (i think there's like 4 of you), i wish you the merriest of Christmases, despite any less-than-friendly circumstances in your life. i wish you much growth in the coming year. and i wish you truly to sense Emmanuel with you always.


a question i can't answer

before i get to the question, though, i wanna say thanks to everyone for checkin' out my blog and for your comments (on and off this site). i don't know whether this blog is truly for all of you or if it's really just for me. it's probably a little of both. here's hopin' you enjoy it regardless.
my friend, TammyLee, told me that there's nothing wrong with me. and not wanting to portray the wrong image with my title, i've decided renaming is in order.
i almost didn't post this. re-reading it, quite honestly, caused
me to wonder what i really think about all this. i'll warn you that i'm
rambling and the post ends somewhat abruptly. i'd really like some
feedback. well, onward we go...

'the question?' you ask. hmm...
my answer: 'the question is this...'
why are we so stubbornly independent?
independence is a great quality and highly necessary. i mean, let's face it, people are gonna let us down. if we live our lives totally dependent on others, we're gonna end up losing sometime, somewhere. but that's not my purpose here.
is it possible that the areas in which we are most independent are the areas which require the greatest amount of dependence. specifically, i'm thinking of my failings, the things in my life that disappoint me (whether or not they are "bad"). i've spent so much of my life all alone with such things--not wanting to share them with someone for any number of reasons (not wanting to be vulnerable, wondering what that person would think or if they would still accept me for me...).
and i haven't just seen it in my life; i've seen it in my friends' lives too. i remember one friend in particular. a while ago he was really struggling with some things. he told a few people some of the things he was dealing with, but he wouldn't get any real help. he had to practically break down in front of a group of people before he would let anyone help.
it's not just my friend and i who are like this.
why are we so stubborn? is it just human nature that says, 'i can do this on my own. yeah, i see all the ways this (whatever) is negatively affecting me, but i can change. i can do it...i...i...i...?' why does it so often take a breakdown (some event that makes our problem so obvious to others that we can no longer hide it) for us to ask for help?
we were not created to live life alone.


welcome to my blog

inspired by several of my friends, i have decided to establish my own blog. it is, of course, vain imagination to presume that everyone i know will read this and diligently attend to each new posting, and i'm okay with that. for those of you who do wish to keep up, allow me to warn you that it is your vain imagination which causes you to presume that i will diligently and regularly add new postings. my disclaimer is this...i will post when i feel i have something to say. never more, never less than that will i offer. that being said, and being that this is a post, i will attempt to 'say' something...
during worship at church tonight, God spoke to me something that has been brewing in me for several days: don't worry so much about how things should be; accept how they are and then begin to change them. see, i'm a major analytic. i think all the time, somtimes too much. i like things orderly and as they should be (or as i perceive they should be). when they are not as they should be, i'm not happy--especially if i don't know how to repair the situation. lately, i've been kinda unhappy with myself, because i'm not all the things i should be. After discussing this with my pastor sunday night, i made two lists: one, who i am, and two, who (or what) i think i should be that i'm not. i don't have the list with me, but i think the ratio was 8:2, or something outrageous like that. i let these two little things rule my life for several weeks. i was miserable and i didn't know why. the things aren't even that significant. (what they are is, of course, no concern of yours. :D)
so, if there's a moral somewhere in there for you, may you find it. or here, let me make it obvious (only because i feel the need to clarify). accepting things as they are is not necessarily approving of them. always saying how things should be, and never doing anything to remedy them, fixes nothing. yes, many things should be different. but until we accept them just as they are (just the way Jesus accepts us), we cannot change them.

i'd love to know you're thoughts on the matter. and, by the way, i won't always type in all lower cases; i just felt like it tonight.